Houses in O&P

Posted by Tanos on Wed 14 Oct 09, 12:13 AM

Tags: o_and_p

Last week's Houses thread on IC had some good responses, and highlighted some of the points I need to clarify in future (eg that a household can equally well be mono or poly.)

Here's the full post:

Tanos wrote: Since O&P is built up using concepts of property, it is natural to use property itself, in the form of the house, as a metaphor for the relationship. The idea of using "houses" to embody familial relationships that are greater than the sum of their members isn't new. Not just aristocratic houses in the past, but also far more modest bankers, merchants, craftsmen, and now publishers and even fashion designers might use "house" in preference to "business" or "partnership". And with structure as a third member even of monogamous O&P relationships, they do add up to more than the people involved as individuals. Indeed some dominants find the house to be a useful way of thinking about the structure they have established and their responsibility towards it. For example, asking themselves whether a particular compromise in fact compromises what their house stands for. Of course this is really loyalty to themselves with the house as a proxy, but it is nevertheless still clarifying for some dominants, including myself. (Other dominants use the collars they give in a similar way, as a symbolic object whose meaning they have a duty towards.) Houses and households are also terms that can accommodate a wide range of relationship patterns, including poly, temporary members and guests. Some people in the Leather scene in the US use "family" in the same way (and some use house itself) but "family" has connotations of age-play and is too familiar for some of the more impersonal relationships styles, such as servants, which O&P can include. Finally, these terms can invoke the ancient customs of hosts and guests, with the concepts of respect for property brought into the domestic sphere. People still understand this when guests in private homes, and usually at parties. But I believe that where people think of themselves as guests rather than customers in other venues, a lot the negative politics of the wider BDSM scene can be avoided. And after all, friendship can be withheld just as much as custom, but you don't go on "Watchdog" to complain about your friends: it's not dignified.

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